Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He passed out mid-signature
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
