I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
