just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize