Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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