u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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