I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
