Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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