Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
