Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm at about main and main street
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
