'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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