Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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