if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
