i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize