NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
