Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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