as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
