remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
