Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
