i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
