when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
