Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
