I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
