i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
