Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And then he peed in my hair
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