Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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