Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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