Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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