the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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