You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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