she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
