Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
