rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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