my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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