Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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