I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
