dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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