Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
