"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
