My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
