I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
