I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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