I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
