Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
