The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
