So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
should my penis look like a turkey
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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