I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
