if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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