Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
