Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
