Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
