Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
