so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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