Your mouth is God's brothel.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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