Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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