After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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