he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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