My room smells like vodka and shame
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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