watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
