The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
