Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
