I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
