Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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