I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
