bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
