i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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